Deflection

Deflection

 

I exited my aunts minivan; I took on new soil, yet it all seemed to be the same. Being dropped off by loved ones in a new state, following old classmates solely because they were familiar, I was about to make a huge mistake. I no longer felt a part of this Christian atmosphere. Being constantly scrutinized for my sexuality, why did I apply to this religious University? Why did I continue the same pattern which repeatedly hurt me? Being a teenager and fresh out of high school, I still had shit to figure out. I certainly wouldn’t accomplish any of this stuff here where I would be receiving fines and threats to be kicked out of school if I skipped a worship service. I reached a point in my life where I needed to reevaluate. I reached a point where

Praying to me, no longer seems to be an option.

Praying to me, seems like a fools errand.

Praying to me, seems worthless.

Praying to me, seems like a waste of time.

Praying to me, seems idiotic.

Praying to me, no longer matters.

Praying to me, is a product of slavery.

Praying to me, seems to be a waste of energy.

Praying to me, seems to be deceitful.

Praying to me, seems to be selfish.

Praying to me, seems to be a lie.

Praying to me, seems to be the product of a poor mindset.

Praying to me, develops my source of pain.

Praying to me, brings about suicidal thoughts.

Praying to me, shows weakness.

Praying to me, creates a false realm of protection.

Praying to me, ultimately destroys me.

Praying to me, causes people to not want to live.

And if you ask me now I’d say..

Now re-read the repeating lines replacing “Praying to me” with “Depression”.

-        Clayton McPherson